Booze and Breaking a Nail by Kimberly Lapidus
Hey all! I’m a self-proclaimed romance expert (it’s official— see my Twitter bio) and future co-host of His Beauty, Her Beast (a podcast about romance and relationships — duh!) through the Empty the Bench Network. Also, I’m a blogger now, so here’s my first blog:
Recently, I read an article about an incident at Jack Daniel’s New Year’s Eve Live: Nashville’s Big Bash where an “obnoxiously beautiful” TikTok influencer cuts a 40-minute line to get booze. As a self-proclaimed romance expert living in New York, I must ask what I would consider the most pressing question: why the fuck wasn’t I invited??? (JK)
Normally when someone cuts a line that long, you’d get way more than 1 angry person saying something. The only conclusion I can draw is that everyone else was way too intimidated by the influencer’s obnoxious beauty to approach her. And @desi.self’s attack on the influencer was a failed attempt at striking up a romance (clearly a self-proclaimed romance expert like myself would know).
So naturally, she smacks the phone out of @desi.self’s hand. Now I struggle to understand the logic behind her actions. Doesn’t she realize that she might ruin her obnoxious beauty by BREAKING A NAIL???? I mean, sure, there’s also something there about assault and battery, destruction of property, yadda yadda yadda. But at least if she lands in jail, she could get some really hot, behind bars, bad-girl pics.
(Priorities, right?)
Then the influencer sticks out her tongue at @desi.self. (See? We got some tongue action. I told you there’s some romance in the air lol). The influencer then tries to leave with the drinks she bought (clearly the vendors agree that when you’re obnoxiously beautiful rule’s don’t apply) but gets her hair pulled by @desi.self (someone likes it rough). So the influencer cools things off (or heats things) by throwing her drinks at @desi.self, because who doesn’t end foreplay with a wet t-shirt contest?
I’m reminded of every single movie/tv show ever. There’s always a shit ton of animosity before they fuck.
That’s my take. See ya next time!
**Disclaimer: Before you comment, calling me a crazy nut job or an idiot, please reread this post as if it is dripping with massive amounts of intended sarcasm. Then proceed with the necessary facepalm and self-depreciation. Thank you.