It’s Not Easy Being Green: You Can’t Change Your Shoes by Kimberly Lapidus

Over the years, world has experienced a multitude of devastating tragedies: war, famine, terrorism, natural disasters, etc. However, what I’m about to discuss may be the single most horrific tragedy of all time. So before I continue, I must ask you to brace yourselves for this most memorable and iconic tragedy: the green M&M changed her shoes. That’s right, folks. Out of all the horrific things that have happened over the years, people have decided to get indignant about an animated piece of chocolate and its slight wardrobe change.  

When trying to figure out why the hell anyone would care, I found an article that said that the green M&M was too woke. Seriously!?  It’s chocolate!  It has no brain!  The only legitimate problem to an M&M wearing shoes should be that you don’t want to accidentally eat dirty shoes. And I get the impression that I really shouldn’t be too worried about eating sneakers.